Many couples wait until their relationship has gotten to the point of “no return” before they seek help through counseling. Dr. John Gottman’s five decades of research has shown that unhappy couples wait an average six years of conflict, resentment, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and negative bias before seeking therapy. Please don’t wait! It’s always a good time to seek professional assistance in learning or relearning the combination of tools, skills, and behaviors necessary to get your relationship back on track.
Your first visit to me will be 90 minutes long. During that time, I get to know you and discuss your relationship issues with you both. I also discuss your relationship history. I want to know what your current concerns are. I also introduce the research of John Gottman and the training I have received in order to become a Level 3 Gottman Counselor. It is important that you feel comfortable with my level of expertise and skill.
We discuss what John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in some detail as well as their effect on your relationship. I discuss and provide examples of each of the horsemen including criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling. Each of the four horsemen were identified by Gottman as being predictive of the end of the relationship… especially if the negative communications outweigh the positive. I want to ensure that the couple has the ability to review all the information we discuss at our session, so I provide booklets and handouts from the Gottman institute for reference any time after our appointment. (I do this throughout the counseling process to ensure that couples can refer to Gottman reference material and interventions at any time.)
I also offer each couple the opportunity to take the Gottman Online Relationship Assessment. This can only be offered by a qualified Gottman counselor, and it is a data-driven assessment tool that couples take separately in the comfort of their own home. It is fully HIPAA compliant questionnaire of 337 questions about friendship, intimacy, emotions, conflict, values, trust, as well as parenting, housework, finances, individual areas of concern, and more. Once the assessment is completed, the results are combined and sent to me. I receive a forty-page report of your assessment of your relationship! The cost of this assessment is $39 per couple.
I then see each individual for a one-hour session in order to learn about their life, challenges, and experiences. This allows me to know each person better and tailor my treatment to the needs of the couple. At our first follow up appointment, I provide the results of the online assessment along with my observations and recommendations, along a written treatment plan.
We then begin the counseling process!
Keywords: Couples counseling, Gottman, Relationships, Communication
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