Dealing with Emotional Triggers and Family Tension During the Holidays

The holidays can bring warmth and connection, but they also tend to stir up old emotions, unresolved conflicts, or stress from expectations. Here’s a structured way to approach dealing with emotional triggers and family tension during this time:

💡 1. Prepare Emotionally Beforehand

• Identify your triggers. Think about what usually sets you off — a critical comment, comparisons, certain topics (like politics or relationships). Awareness helps you plan your response instead of reacting impulsively.

• Set realistic expectations. You don’t have to create a “perfect” holiday. It’s okay if things are imperfect — people may behave as they always do.

• Ground yourself daily. Practices like deep breathing, short walks, journaling, or mindfulness before gatherings can help regulate your emotional baseline.

  
  

🛡️ 2. Set Boundaries (Kindly but Firmly)

• Decide what’s off-limits. If certain topics or behaviors cause pain, you can say:

  “I’d rather not discuss that today — let’s focus on catching up.”

• Limit time or exposure. It’s okay to step outside, leave early, or stay in a hotel if that makes you feel safer.

• Protect your energy. You’re not obligated to attend every event or please everyone.

  
  

🗣️ 3. Use Grounded Communication

• Stay calm in the moment. When triggered, take a slow breath before responding. Silence is better than a reaction you’ll regret.

• Validate without agreeing. Example:

  “I understand that’s how you feel”instead of arguing your point.

• Change the subject or use humor to defuse tension if appropriate.

  
  

💞 4. Manage Your Own Emotions

• Practice self-compassion. Feeling frustrated, sad, or anxious doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re human.

• Find an ally. Have a friend or partner you can text or call for quick support.

• After gatherings: decompress — take a bath, go for a walk, or journal about what you felt and learned.

  
  

🌿 5. Focus on What You Can Control

You can’t control others’ behavior, but you can control how you show up. Sometimes, the best you can do is to maintain your peace and step back when needed.

Here are some ways to handle emotional triggers and family tension compassionately and effectively when you start to feel overwhelmed:

🫀 1. Pause and Ground Yourself

When emotions are high, your body often needs calming before your mind can think clearly. Try:

• The 5-4-3-2-1 technique: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste.

• Deep breathing: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 6–8.

• Step outside — fresh air and distance can quickly reset your nervous system.

  
  

🧱 2. Give Yourself Permission to Step Away

• You’re allowed to take breaks, even from people you love. Go to a quiet room, the bathroom, or for a short walk.

• You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond something simple like:

  “I just need a quick breather — I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  
  

💬 3. Reach Out for Support

• Text or call a trusted friend, partner, or therapist if you need grounding or perspective.

• If you’re feeling isolated, even brief online connection or volunteering can restore a sense of meaning and belonging.

  
  

🧘‍♀️ 4. Lower the Pressure

• You don’t have to do it all. Choose what matters most and let go of the rest — whether that’s skipping an event, simplifying meals, or saying no to extra obligations.

• Remember: your worth isn’t measured by how festive, productive, or cheerful you seem.

  
  

💗 5. After Overwhelm: Gentle Recovery

• Do something soothing that helps you come back to yourself — journaling, music, a hot shower, comfort food, or rest.

• Reflect without judgment: What was too much? What helped me feel better?That insight can guide your boundaries next time.

Kathryne Arnold is a Licensed Mental Health Therapist at Wellness Counseling, and is an Integrative Mental Health Provider as well. Kathryne is also a Certified Fellow of Clinical Hypnotherapy. Please reach out to her directly at 727-537-9211 to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to discuss her services and how she can help you start your journey to better mental health.